Love, beatings, bondage

I just stepped out of my post kink convention shower. My breasts are speckled with crimson marks, like a rorschach or Jakcson Pollack painting. I can feel the sting of cane welts on my backside. I wiped the condensation off the mirror, and stared at my own tired face. I am present. I am at peace.

I’m home after a long weekend at Kinky Kollege. I’m an exhausted and happy camper. I expected this past weekend to be fun. I did not expect it to be cathartic. Even though I didn’t set foot in a single spirituality workshop or class, I found my own spiritual cleansing of sorts.

Looking back, I can’t say that I’m completely surprised. I’m a very touch oriented person, and for the last few months, touch and connection have been less than easy to come by. Last week was my first scene after my injury (which happened in July). I did the scene for the sensation, not the connection.

This weekend, however, I felt like I got to connect with all sorts of wonderful human types. I got to get hurt by some awesome people. I even got a chance to hurt some pretty people. There were friends, old and new, there were snuggles from pretty girls.

The first mental image of the weekend that comes to mind: I’m hanging in a suspension on Saturday night. The leg loops are digging in to some existing welts on my inner thighs, and I release. I can feel heat emanating from my palms and solar plexus. I can just hang and be. There was that stride I thought I’d lost after spending months recuperating and navigating a brand new city. The validation alone was almost intoxicating.

It was amusing to see people react as I hobbled around the event in my walking boot and crutch. So many people felt sorry for me and how much it must suck to be injured for an event. What most people didn’t realize was a) I was more mobile than I’d been in months, and b) there was no feeling of sadness or suckitude. On my end, I experienced only joy. I must have walked around the entire event smiling from ear to ear, and glowing from head to toe.

Now that I’m home, and ready to reenter my daily grind, I feel grateful. Grateful for so many amazing friends I have in my life, for the people who let me hurt them, for my own ability to find internal balance and peace in a low lit, crowded dungeon.

Ok. Now I think I’m starting to ramble. Enough incoherent frubbles from this sleepy Sascha.

Namaste.

~ by Sascha on October 26, 2009.